Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths. Now presssssss!!
And just like that, with eyes closed, I clicked myself into a blogging class. I was so ‘fuzzy excited’ I couldn’t wait until my husband came in to the room to share the news with him!! I had actually acted upon something I desired to do and put it into cyber-motion. What’s gotten into me?? Wait, really….WHAT has gotten into me??? What has GOTTEN INTO me??? What has gotten into ME???
Still waiting for my husband (where is he??) a quick re-evaluation of my actions ensued. You see, I’m not the person who does things for ‘me.’ I’m a much better cheerleader for other’s pursuing their desires!! Certainly I think about doing stuff and there’s plenty of stuff I enjoy doing but I always need to have a REASON for doing said stuff. Example: I loveeeee to crochet. But you will rarely, if EVER, find me doing so unless I am creating a yarned item for someone else. Countless amounts of blankets, kitchen aides, baby/kid items, hats & scarves; which have been stitched by my fingers, in an effort to create a bit of sheep-fur joy for another. But comb through my home and there is not an item created just for me by me. (Although, there was that lopsided sweater I’d intended for a friend which I kept for myself out of sheer embarrassment.)
Another, more recent example, is my love for painting. My favorite form of therapy is to watch the wet streaks of paint fall from my paintbrush to create a treasure that fossilizes in its dried state. This past Christmas Season I stole the opportunity to visit my ‘paint-brush therapist’ with the goal of creating a child portrait of my now 23 year old daughter. Which, of course, I GIFTED to her. Truth be told, I would have never taken the time to paint had I not planned this as a gift for her.
But this ‘blogging thing.’ Hmmmmm. Who am I doing THAT for? Where’s the GIFT in that?
(Still no husband….)
Before the hamster wheel of thoughts continued I bravely texted our daughter to share the news with her.
me: guess what i just did??? i just signed up for a blogging 101 class through wordpress!! it starts Jan 5 and i’ll have daily assignments! (frightened emoji face attached.)
her: that’s awesome mom! i’m so proud of you!
And there it was. My reason!! I made my daughter proud.
Restored breathing begins.
(Husband at last enters...)
After sharing the enrollment news with my husband and receiving the same excited ‘thatta girl‘ endorsement, I’ve settled into the idea of trying ‘this blog thing’ out with a little more intentionality. I’m still not certain why I’ve been led toward this path but I do have faith, hope, and trust that it is my God who inspires me on these creative journeys.
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,”
He inscribed this creative yearning in my soul and I look forward to discovering the underlying gift that will be found…even if the gift is meant only just for me.
Hugs n’ Blessings,