Did you notice?
Hugs n’ blessings has been quiet for a little while.
On or about the start of Advent I knew I needed to pull away and enter into the silence of my heart.
Like a seed seeking to grow I needed time to plant myself in quiet soil to discover if God was calling me to bloom anew.
Has this ever happened to you?
I decided to detach from the noisy World in most social-media ways, immersed myself in prayer & contemplation, dove into journaling full-force, ate more carbs than I care to admit and allowed myself to be nurtured by
all that God was looking to till within me.
Gratefully, I have been in similar gestation periods before.
For this reason I was not surprised & humbly recognized when I fondly heard Him whispering to my heart…
“Rest in Me. Rest in Me.”
So once again….I did.
I am very beholden that this all occurred right as the earthly World was beginning to spin out of control in a variant of ways. How hard it may have been not to spin right along with it, in my former state of mind, had I not had Him right there beside me to right my way – whenever I began to tilt off course.
Albeit not perfectly,
or without suffering,
and certainly not without a few lessons along the way!
However, I have enjoyed the silence & respite I’ve experienced –
even though I’ve missed staying in touch with my bloggity-blog friends.
(Though I do look forward to catching up with you all, very soon!)
But I have not missed the constant chaos of menacing thoughts; which were choking out the growth trying to push through.
Every gardener knows it is never easy to till a garden containing weeds.
So it reasoned why IMMEDIATELY,
after having spoken my
“Yes, here I am Lord,”
that God called to attention the most destructive weed (in me) of all;
which had been trying desperately to take permanent root,
before He set the tilling to work!
Not the kind-of sorrow from a singular moment or a particular disappointment, but the kind which comes from a long line of lies, computed un-truths & utter heartbreak.
This was a sorrow with deep roots, strengthening throughout every previous heartbreak that I never allowed to see the light of day. A hideous weed that propagated there, beneath the surface, twisting itself amidst all the spiritual growth I’ve received over the course of my walk with Him….waiting….waiting…to strangle out the person He desires me to become – the one I seek most to be.
Certainly, the Lord knew (all of this).
Which is why he had been preparing me – for a very long time – with the necessary tools I would need to uproot it.
During this quiet time He reviewed many of the ways
He has been refining me along the way.
I am so relieved that He took
and loved me
to be there, at my side,
when I finally acquired the courage (and asked Him)
to pull out the angry sorrow’s invasive roots from within me.
As only He could.
Truthfully, this was an AWFUL experience.
Finally addressing “the root” of the sorrow was painfully AWFUL.
(Did I mention how awful it was??)
But just as immediately as I took into my heart –
“Jesus, I surrender all things to you.
You take care of it.”
-I felt the soil begin to be fertilized.
And the absolute beauty of what has followed has made all of the
He walked me through almost a decade of growth – and how all of that was necessary to bring me to this particular time with Him.
He revealed how every previous moment prepared me – for the reality of what lie await in 2020.
Do I think He’s finished with me?
Gosh, I hope not!
Because I still yearn to be more fully like Him & admittedly I still fall short.
I know that so many of the lessons I’ve learned across the span of my life are indeed fitting together.
They always have been…
I’ve merely missed the opportunity to see the enormity of it all
amidst the muddy sorrow.
But seeing so now brings me immense JOY!
As I wrap up this time I’ve spent in the quiet of my heart
I have discovered the most dominate message God has been speaking to me,
sprinkled from end to end during my (entire) spiritual journey with Him,
has been the urging for me
-no matter the circumstances in my life-
to be a light in the world.
To find my own light through & with him and to share that light with others.
I know we are all called to be His light and that He shares this same message with everyone; but regretfully, I have not done as well as so many of you.
Humbly, I know now that the sorrowful weed growing inside me held me back & prevented my ability to do so,
Nevertheless, no longer!
With the newly tilled courage I have gained & His light within me I look forward to sharing it with all those willing to see the joy it can bring.
But more importantly,
where it comes from!
Care to join me, on The Way?
hugs n’ blessings to all those who will be shining bright beside me,
as He continues to leadeth us down the garden-path!