“I never know what SHE’s doing!”

I haven’t had much time to be tippity-tap typing at my cyber-say-I spot as of late.  I knew I missed it…but evidently not as much as my adult children!  Turns out they’re actually following-me.  Literally & physically taking pauses in their day to check and see if I’ve blogged a little ditty.

“Hmmmm,” says my motherly thoughts.  “When did that happen?”  When did they stop running away from me and u-turn to try to find me instead.

#3 wants to know if, “I’m feeling alright.”

#2 shares she misses my blog, “voice.”

And #1 indignantly shouts, “I never know what you’re doing!”  (In his very best Will Farrel voice, I might add.)

I shyly smile as thumpty-thump-thump goes my heart!

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“Ma! The Meatloaf!”

Geez, “What have I been doing??” I then ask myself.  (Not making meatloaf that’s for sure!)  I guess pretty much the same thing as always…

Spending my days with the best dog in the Universe while praying. Visiting our Methuselah Ministry friends, the hospital and our church & praying.  The cooking…with prayer, the cleaning…plus more prayer, the laundry routine, (lots of prayer there.)  I’m still moving things ‘here & there’ in our new home, accompanied by prayer.  And oh yes, it’s the lenten season right now so….I pray some more. It seems I spend most of my days…in prayer.

And that’s when I really smile as I make a head-heart connection. For in that moment I’m in the u-turn looking back over where I have been.

Many mooing moons ago I was exposed to a book, (which now has become worn and dog-earred over these past  25+ years.)

The Practice of the Presence of God is a collection of documented conversations and letters written by a seventeenth-century French monk, Brother Lawerence.

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“In Thy Presence is fulness of joy!”

The book reveals how Brother Lawrence learned to practice the Presence of God at all times.  And through the heart of this humble man we too learn.  “The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer, and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen…I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the blessed sacrament,” he writes.  Throughout this beautiful collection he develops one great theme, best expressed by the psalmist, In Thy Presence is fulness of joy.

As a young bride & mother I ached to find a purpose in what I did each day.  Not working outside the home I felt a societal pressure to explain the importance of my work, work which my husband supported and valued as much as I.  I jokingly claimed my chosen career as being: a Domestic Engineer.  This read well on all necessary paper-work and the perplexed looks, usually involving a fuRRowed eyebrow, always made me giggle internally as people would silently try to determine, “Is there really an engineering degree for that?!”  Through Brother Lawrence’s Spiritual Maxims I was able to define the very purpose for my great work of becoming a Domestic Engineer.

My husband always cautions others (especially our children,) “Don’t talk to your mother while she’s doing that; she has a hard time concentrating.” Or I will often hear him patiently wait near me for what he thinks is just the right time to ask me something because, as he affectionately likes to point out in these situations, “I know you have a hard time doing two things at once.”

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A total surrender of ourselves, in every action we make, to Him.

And now it Dawns on me why!  Over the course of practicing what it has meant to me to be a Domestic Engineer I have stopped doing anything that does not involve prayer with it! Giggles!  They don’t know I have a constant prayer which is running through my head in every action I make!

A random selection of:  Hail Mary, Glory Be, Our Father, a Hail Holy Queen. DIvine Mercy. Memorae. St. Michael’s prayer

Brother Lawerence taught me “not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed.”  That “we should gain a habit, which will naturally produce its acts in us, without our care, and to our exceeding great delight.” “…by the practice of which we become united to the will of God.  That the end we ought to propose to ourselves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshipers of God we can possibly be, as we hope to be through all eternity.”

A kitchen monk whose days were filled with buckets of water for the washing of floors and a sink full of dishes he was found worshipping as much in his kitchen as in his cathedral.  His greatest desire was to walk, with every thing he did throughout the day, as if he were walking in His presence.  He showed us how, at any moment and in any circumstance, the soul that seeks God may find Him, and so too practice the Presence of God.

“Lord of all pots and pans and things…

Make me a saint by getting meals

And washing up the plates!”

-Brother Lawrence

Ting-tingly, as I come out of my u-turn, I am grateful for this habit I’ve developed of not being able to concentrate…or juggle more than one thing at a time…because I know what prevents it is the mantra of my mental prayer.  A praying that is so beautifully automatic I don’t even recognize is playing most times.

Perfectly? No.

But they’re there.  A constant ticker-tape-tick of prayers.

Which leads me to decide…it’s time to make a meatloaf.

Hugs n’ Blessings!

Small Hands

Time for a Regular Feature…

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I have the hands of my grandmother.

The hands of my mother.

Will they be passed on to my daughter?

And her daughter after that?

As long as they all reach to The Father.

We will all be held together.

(These hands that are holding you.)

Music by: Tenth Avenue North

Inner Silence

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St. Faustina’s Diary, which Jesus Christ ordered her to keep during the last four years of her life, is a kind of journal in which the author recorded current or retrospective events related primarily to the “encounters” of her soul with God.

Fr. Seraphim Michalenko served for 20 years as vice postulator for the Saint’s canonization cause & he also prepared the first edition of the Diary of St. Faustina from the original Polish manuscript, working on both the English and Spanish translations.  Since the Polish Diary is the official text, there has been every effort made to be truly faithful to it, and to retain the various shades of meaning implied in the theological and spiritual terms used by (Saint) Faustina.

In the course of reading (Saint) Faustina’s Diary, 5 entries a day through the duration of a year, I have learned many things.  Some entries more impactful & life-giving than others.  One of these especially.

In the Year 1937, Saint Faustina wrote a particular “examen” to aide her with being united with the merciful Christ.  She wrote this entry on January 1st.  With it she vowed the practice of inner silence, along with the strict observance of external silence; especially in times of being wronged or persecuted by others.  As a result of this she was guided to create a chart of “internal control of the soul.”  Each month she was given an “examen” to meditate upon, along with an exclamatory prayer.  Faustina took these “examens,” or practices, so seriously that she recorded monthly the victories & falls she experienced personally; within her attempts to adhere to each practice.

Inspired by this great act of love & my own desire to live united with Christ, through an internal control of the soul, I dedicated myself to returning back monthly to this particular entry (162) & memorizing each (monthly) practice.  My hope was that in this memorization & monthly meditation upon the prescribed practice I could  give my best attempt of living out the practice in my own daily life.

Not only was the exposure to these practices a great gift to me but they came during a time of my life of personal difficulty.

Having been a hospice volunteer worker for the past several years I have discovered a lot regarding suffering.  I understand that there is so much to be grateful for and that too often life is dramatized as “suffering,” without the slightest realization of what it truly means to experience great pain or loss.  I have witnessed so many courageous individuals maintain a great love for life despite the tremendous struggle or sorrow they must face. Love & support are two crucial components in aiding these courageous people during these moments and St. Faustina, through her simply written Diary entries, offered the love & support I needed at a low moment of my life.

It is not easy to be Christ like while being persecuted by others. (Saint) Faustina understood this and she wrote of this beautifully.  These monthly “examens” helped to assure her ( in her own moments of doubt,) that she would maintain this desire to glorify God despite her human struggles.

163 (78)”as many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify Your mercy.”

I do not believe I was fully prepared when the monthly examen for January pierced my soul.

162 But Jesus remained silent.

How desperately had I desired to cry out against those who brought me (and those whom I love) pain.  How frightened had I become that others would believe the slander being spun. How lost did I feel to witness the inhumanity of man.  Yet, there was my God showing me the way.  Bringing me to St. Faustina, who would be my gentle guide.

162 But Jesus remained silent.

Who knew greater how to suffer through persecution unjustly than my God? Who knew more about being mocked and judged than He? And yet…He remained silent. He carried a cross silently, which led to our salvation, so that I would know what to do to remain saved.   

And that was how my heart was pierced and forever changed.  No longer a desire to speak about the injustices.  No longer a panic to prove mine (or those whom I love) innocence.  I meditated upon those who trusted in Christ, (when all others turned away,) because they knew who He was, they knew His heart. I laid it all at the foot of His cross and have walked on silently ever since.

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And with that abandoned trust I have experienced great personal victory. (Thank you, Lord.)  And I have discovered those who know our hearts.  (Thank you, Jesus.)

After being guided by The Conscience (monthly) Faustina concluded with a beautiful prayer.  I offer a piece of that in my own conclusion of what it has meant for me to learn how to “Remain Silent.” 

163 (78)  I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord.  May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor.  I will refuse my heart to no one.  I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness.  And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus.  I will bear my own suffering in silence.  May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.”

hugs n’ blessings!